A holy predicament !

I don't understand the concept of an atheist , they call themselves as the non believers ,they denunciate gods existence , they do not even care to question the existence of any superpower residing in the universe . They blatantly abjure the prevalence .

Where as a theist, a believer , lives life,day in and day out in reverence of the same superpower , which they themselves accept is beyond explanation but believe that it pervades. they believe, i emphasize just "believe" that the energy of some form penetrates all forms living or non living .

For putting their point on to the table of ratiocination they become extremely possessive and bring forth the fanaticism. They fight and argue endlessly only on their basis of their belief. They might not have any proof but they fight to safeguard their fundamental understanding of their own existence and they can never have that shaken .

The other side of table sits the argumentative atheist who fights for the non existence and feels glorious enough that it has no such concoctions about some existence of god etc. They feel wise and worthy of explanation and renouncing the belief of of a theist.They don't realize with same fanatic attitude they take part in the bickering.They fight with the same fundamentalism, just that the difference is, that the reasoning is in support of the non believers .

I feel their is precisely no difference between atheist and a theist. Both are staunch believers

one just believes and one truly believes in not believing at all. If I mute their discussion its difficult for me to decide who is on which side.

The closest to me is an agnostic , who switches the role on either side . Who does not believe but does not stop the cognition. He is ever ready to take in whatever makes him believe .May be, he does not believe, but he questions the existence .He participates but not to conclude , he is not fanatic he might be passionate, he does not blindly follow weather believing or non believing...!

I say he is the closest, as he is closest to the truth , he closest to reality , he is closest to being "gNostic". He is closest to experiencing it!

Agnosticism leads the path to experiencing the god , becoming a nostic, and then you do not need to sit across the table and fight. You don't have to prove to the world , you would have experienced GOD! you don't have to be a believer or a non believer . You have witnessed it and now you don't have to testify . This is the ultimate pedestal to achieve while undergoing the human revolution of your spiritual self .

Open the eyes of blind figurine .

one proposed thought which is widely understood as "law is blind" .

how are you suppose to justify the irony established between the explanation of one thought in two different ways ?

the law is blind to help people get justice without any partiality or the law is blind that its inability to decipher and see who is right and who wrong has eventually evaded.

Some times i feel the the symbolism relevance of the white statue standing with a balancing scale in its hand having its eyes blind folded , now holds no importance if its pointing towards any optimistic thought or image creation of that sorts in the minds of masses , it has failed miserably.

When I saw the statue the 1st thing I interpreted was surprisingly totally in contradiction to

what it is required to portray . with increasing conclusions and judgments of injustice all i could think was how rightly the "Kaanoon" itself portrays that it is blind and nor does it want to make and effort to open its eyes and see who is right and deserving .

The lady probably would one day want to cut open the blindfold herself to see whats going on .

The connotation now perceived is truly justifying the state of affairs .I would be hard to change! Either change the blind figurine or go one to one to give an explanation of its purpose of being there , Either turn the face or open the its eyes , probably then we could relate. what is "kaanoon" the law , that serves for us

Make him grow with a pet ....

He takes him like an elder brother .He is not pampered like an only child in any family , he not jealous or unnoticed , like how it feels when you become an elder one.

He is mature and he reacts responsibly . He loves taking care , he notices people . He has these values inculcated in him not by spoon feeding but by his own learning, learning from his immediate surroundings . He has never shown a spurge of jealousy or questioned the attention of his parents as since the time of his birth , even though, he has been the 1st child of the parents, he has received the love and was always taken care of , but he , has been the 2nd sibling of the family therefore he is not alone.

Since that very day this child appreciates the existence of the 1st baby family member and for him an elder brother !Their dog!

The irony is when the child was very young the dog took care of him , played with him and the child never missed his parents love nor did he get pampered by overt attention but now when he has grown up a little he takes care of the dog his elder brother , instilling in himself , a sense of maturity , he feels the pain when the dog is ill or sad.

He conscious of his existence and havoc sometimes the dog creates at home and scolds him for that . Automatically I have observed the child growing up without anyone else's nettling . He holds responsibility of the dog's food habits and walks and that makes his life and schedule quite disciplinarian .

Even though he knows he is younger and relishes the pedestal he has gotten at such an early age in his own family.

The best way to groom your child is to make him grow with a dog in the house, its death is the biggest lesson he would eventually learn and will be ready for the world outside . Being Humane and being shockproof . It will make him what today we keep endlessly trying to make our children , a better person!

Randomness and the blissful existence..

Lost in the air like a polythene , tugged away safe in the wind .

little good byes may be , but just a passing smile .

Can somebody hear me , i am screaming from so far away .

Morning wouldn't haunt me now , evening would eclipse away

Blame it on your self.

Accusation , Pin Pointing , Blame Games !

You do that , you pick fist full of mud and you throw at the other person ... you were hurt therefore you will make it sure you make the other person feel bad as well.you go ahead with the vitriolic attack, but then at that moment we forget we are not just attacking the other person but in turn 1st we are spoiling our hands by picking up the weapon of mud.

In order to attack we forget that we are 1st degrading ourselves and coming to a level where we castigate the other person .we hold the fist of full of mud 1st in our own hands and only then throw at the other person . Also you never know in the span of aiming we might not aim right and more often the half of it drops down in the projection trajectory .... may be only few particles reach the person .But you forget you picked the whole of it .

The total act of picking up and aiming at the other defiles your image . The other mite just laugh it away .

Up above the world so high!!!

Lets take a look at life , as a journey , through different phases good and bad. ups and downs . some times we encounter moments where we crib and lament about it . we may see whats going wrong in our present state of life and start building up a picture of our own state of life in a very negative way .

We never realize the way we look is incorrect . the comparison we make is illogical. we compare the present with what we expect it to be ,what we expect it to be in future . And thats where we commit the felony . What we should look at, is the comparison of present with the past . where we used to be and where we are now.

when i was young my parents used to tell my brother when he got less marks in class test that he should not compare with the low graders and be happy instead he should compare with toppers.

i am not questioning this teaching , it might be correct . even in the case of life's journey when we strive harder , compete and set an aim we should look beyond all failures and set targets of profound future. but when we crib and when we cry and when we rate ourselves , we should always consider our past as a measuring parameter.

the mountain peak is where you want to reach one day . 1st ,just the thought of getting at the zenith is important . it makes you begin . but on the contrary just the thought isin't important enough . wriggling around it would not make you climb it . going around in circles would not make you cover the acclivity .

what you need to start taking is diligent steps upwards.

there shall be moments where you will feel its been hours and days that you have been trying and still the peak seems far away . you may want to cry out loud .but how much you have covered can only be seen when you turn around and look the valley down below.. the miles you have covered and the beautiful view from up above that makes you feel the colossal task you have accomplished.

Reaching there is an important part , but how you get there is the most important . Mind It the last few steps can be the most difficult ones.

Fangs of the Mammoth

You don't realize the tentacles of addiction until one day you decide to raise you hands stretch out and breath . You fail miserably in doing that .You stand scandalized as soon as you see your self struggling out of the mammoth's prehensile fangs . Quite comfortable are you there ?isint it . with its touch and the warmth . less that you know , that he is not gonna let you go ...well actually you are very well apprised of this act. but you choose to keep your eyes closed or make your self comfortable in the ever encompassing and strifeling arms which were once around your feet and now reached your neck.

Strength and determination breaks and you fall on your knees , but are not able to rip apart the killer fangs . no matter how much it is tried they just pull you back .It is then you realize how easy it is to give in , but is near to impossible to even think to giving it up .

But for me its not the fault of the mammoth . He was never so strong . he was always waiting just there with open arms and you never left the opportunity to go an hug him . he entangles you more only because you close you eyes more . He sucks more out of you because he knows you are allowing him to.

He says in his white well dressed way "i am injurious to health " but you never mind giving up yourself to his open arms . its no fault of his . it was not his choice it was always your choice .

He would not let you go , until he has taken all the love YOU wanted to give him . the moment you decide to love your self and not love the mammoth , the fangs will open up . there shall not be any struggle ... there shall not be any fight ... you shall breath the pure air.... just as before .... live life for your self !

The Word i Hate !

I hate the word obligation .I hate it as it dilutes the feelings, the emotions.

When you say “obligation” what is it exactly that you are pointing out at? It’s usually pointed out at the emotional angst in which the other person is , probably the loss of words, usually this feeling is because of the thankfulness that is quite difficult to express otherwise. I totally detest this word because it quite conveniently degrades the feeling of respect and thankfulness towards the other person by tagging it as an obligation!

I understand no one helps the other if they do not want or if the other doesn’t deserve the aid, the words like “NO”, and “CANNOT” are coined to help you come out of that kind of a situation. But out of profound respect for someone or something you express your gratitude in case you are helped, it is usually misinterpreted as “Obligation”. I feel this word possesses a strong negative connotation which just surmises the actual feeling of gratification towards the other .

You might not always be feeling “small” or as someone who has been given a charity by being helped, that you tag the emotional outburst as “under the feeling of obligation”. People usually just express a thankful and appreciative gesture, they would want to do something in return, probably repeatedly just say Thanks! This I feel satiates the inner emptiness of not being able to convey the message really being thankful and not being obliged.

Life is all about give and take, helping others making other feel good ,doing good and spreading good. Its all a balanced act , one gives other receives, one gets up and the other falls . We should probably not count who’s done how much and for whom in what capacity, We should keep thanking and respecting the gestures and in turn keeping doing them ourselves. And Stop Calling it as an obligation act .

You need to shout this loud to clarify !

KKKhhhhhhhaaan.... from the epiglottis !

its on your face .... clear neat prim spruced up!

clearly stating the correction ! yep i am talking about the stark emphasis on even the way the word Khan is pronounced . Its an effort! its an initiative ! the didactic way , but probably that was required . Sometimes i feel things are so misinterpreted , that indirect ways of expressing your "right"point are never just enough . That is why the need to advertently postulate the corrections in the interpretations arise.

which is what precisely "My Name is Khan" is all about. what sparked SRK to make the movie was one incident , when he was frisked as procedure for checking at the Newark Airport . It was his , this felt disgrace that lead to the movie where he could not only convey what he felt but also give out something which covered the points of clarification and enunciation of basic Islamic fundamentals , whereby also showing the attributes and traits of an autistic person with aspergus syndrome .

The portrayal of the personality traits of person with this type of disability , proves to show that karan johar has done good homework , understanding indepth of such kind of a disease and making srk not be his usual lover boy .he walked with a funny bent , hopping all around , he never looked in the eyes , he has made irritating noises and given stilted narration , but when you walk out of the theater unlike other times the hero is not on your mind .you move out with thought - GOOD MEN and BAD MEN .

The movie speaks from post 9/11 trauma , afghan and iraq war , katrina , to US presidential elections .It feels as if srk took the baton in his hand to be the 1st one to start an initiative to change the recently twisted mindsets.He might have also earned goodwill in the eyes of his spurious brothers who issued a fatwa against him every now and then if he disrespected Islam . Its like the voice of a sane celebrity who has the power to make the difference because he has the medium by which he can.And it was high time somebody did . He has used this medium well , he has made a strong , bold and courageous effort and i am proud of it .

He has used the innocence of autistic person to convey one of the deepest and simplest fundamentals of humanity .Karan johar has moved above the usual gana bajana and made something that looks sincere .Its not his Kup of Kofee , but i repeat myself "its a stupendous effort".

ï love pakistan"etc comments and agitating shiv sainiks "etc" might be just a publicity stunt no doubt . but Mr khan...(from the epiglotis) this one is totally worth it . Atleast it would make most of the people get up and go and watch .

Am about to end my day today with sad news that stays in my mind about the terrorist attack in Pune . 8 have been killed and 32 injured . Its hurts and i dont know the dynamics and accouterments of what happened and how happened . ALL I KNOW THAT ITS DONE BY BAD PEOPLE .

You need to shout this loud to make this point that we can repair almost everything ,only because we made it , and atleast SRK has succeeded in doing that .

My baby...

Dobbie.....My Best friend.. who loved me the most!

Yesterday , it was after one and a half month that I was missing him too much . So much , that it was impossible for me to even think about the new year approaching . This was because the day before I saw a beautiful movie " Marley and Me"It was about a Labrador Dog . Suddenly , I received a call from Neeti ,she lives in my colony . She told me she was bringing ''Bamby" home .

It was amazing to play with him , when I said, "sit" he sat quietly looking at my face , his tail could not stop wagging and he dint stop licking my hand . Of course , Bamby loved me and was very happy as usual to meet me.I tried to find "him" in Bamby but he wasn’t there . Bamby ,is My Dog- Dobbie's Friend (I would not say Best friend).

My grandma Expired after a long illness in February 2008, we were left lonely . Me , my dad , mom and Gaurav, my brother sitting in front of each other .A Very important part of our family had gone away leaving us behind. I was at home around that time , I had just completed my college and my job joining was pending . In short I was left alone - The most . Sitting at home killed me . It was then when I took one of the 1st and the strongest sole decisions of my life . I decided to bring a Puppy home . I Wanted to Pet a dog . My parents would not have allowed and I knew it , but my brother supported . One afternoon while sitting with dad I just got up to take a decision and threw my mud money bank on the floor , shouted loud to call my brother to pool in and left to buy a dog , I knew I wanted Brown Labrador and I got it .

The 1st time I saw him , he directly looked into my eyes. He looked so innocent . Trying to say "I have no body please take me home" -Bloody Culprit. As soon as we told the pet shop owner that he looked sad and we wanted a healthy and a playful dog , the owner opened the cage lock and he was out . To our surprise it was as if he had gone mad , he ran from one corner to the other and started jumping on us . He went to all other cages where there were other dogs and banged with his claw as if he was trying to tell that he was free and he got a family. I knew I wanted him .He was just too over excited and playful , full of extreme emotions , he was immediately a part our family Before we could accept him he had already accepted us .

Dobbie , the name by the way was the biggest challenge for us , Hindi or English , funny or sober we were just so confused all my friends came in one by one , most of them scared as he never stopped jumping onto them. We finally decided to be least innovative and just replace "gg" for doggie with "bb".

He was all over ,with me ,beside me , for me . He never left my sight. Slowly and slowly he changed my life .I became like his mother taking care of him, it came naturally to me as I thought it was my responsibility. From getting up in morning the “exact particular time” and taking him for a walk , to feeding him Cerelac as a kid, it was a whole new experience .

With 1000 rupee pocket money I got his vaccination done and got his bones and loved the feeling of spending on him. What I remember clearly was when I took him for his 1st vaccination . He was so happy he dint know what was going to happen , but I had heard that dogs usually fall ill and they feel a lot of pain for few days after the vaccinations . He as usual very happily on one call of mine " Dobbie chalo gari main " came running . He loved travelling in the car he understood the word "gari" and many more like metro , khana ,sleep , sit ,eat , haddi etc . He was an intelligent and a very quick learner . The car trips he enjoyed , with his head stuck out and feeling the cool breeze with eyes closed. In the doctors clinic he was a good dog he obeyed me and to doctors surprise he said he is indeed a good breed and very obedient dog . Very quickly his injection was done and he was as happy and playing . . To weight him i had to pick him up in my lap and then stand on the weighing machine .It was funny he was so much a part of me that his weight was found out after subtracting from mine . He never ever fell ill. Even when he has ticks he never had fever... he always was as happy and playful , excited and healthy.

Years ago when we were kids I remember my friends coming up the stairs to ring our door bell and calling “Aunty will Sonal and Gaurav come to play”. Now , 7 to 10 kids with a football in their hands came to ring the door bell “Aunty will Dobbie come to play with us .” Some how with dogs and their 6^th sense they always knew who is going to be there on the door . he ran down the stairs before the children did , Mum used to get afraid if he could by mistake harm the kids by pouncing on them , so huge a dog and he used to comfortably play with so many kids. Running from one corner of the park to other behind the football . He loved kids and playing with them he never got tired and never ever tired.

Slowly he grew up , my mum who was so scared of the small puppy and touched him with a rolled up newspaper now became friends with him she would now not be afraid of putting her hand into his mouth and taking out our important stuff which he used to pick up and run in order to play . When sometimes in the morning when i avoided getting up and dobbie kept touching softly with claw half over the bed on which i was lying ,trying to wake me up softly with his moaning sound , I would shout at him and say "Dobbie let me sleep ,you Go and Sleep " he would quietly go down and sit , looking at me from a corner waiting for me to wake up and after half an hour he tried again by touching me with his claw and telling me to get up and take him out for walk.

He had unique ways of communicating with me. when ever he used to be thirsty he never barked , He quietly entered the washroom and sat near a tap , and kept looking at me . I always knew what he was trying to say as he very easily conveyed it to me .When he was hungry he never cried he quietly Sat near the kitchen and touched mum feet trying to tell her he wanted food . When he wanted to go down he pulled his leash and gave it in my hand . the maximum times he got a beating from me was when in the night when everyone used to be fast asleep he used to reach the kitchen and sniff around for something , it was as if his teething had never ended. He chew my wallets , dads spectacle case , our sleepers our relatives sleepers , plastic bottles everything he found lying stray in the night . he picked up and took them to his house , we used to call the terrace – the dobbie’s house .if something was missing the first thing we checked out was the terrace .it was always left open for him , he could anytime go and relax specially in the rains of summers and when he used to be very tired after play.what he loved chewing was the bones we got for him .the sparkle in his eyes was remarkable as if he could not be more happier . when ever we had to go out somewhere and he dint let go , we used to give a bone and then slowly sneak out of our own house . once I remember, we were going for a wedding in the night and we all were standing near the car , dobbie came to balcony and he knew we would be going from there , he kept looking at us till we went away .

When we used to be away and mum was alone at home , he always used to accompany mum where she went .Washing clothes , sleeping , taking bath, everywhere . He thought she was alone , and he was conscious , he knew he had to be with her all the time .

The time I remember the most is when at home me and dobbie used wait for every one Gaurav Mum and Dad to return from their workplaces.We had started the renovation work and there were laborers and workers all over . Me and my dobbie used to tackle them get things done . I felt a sense of inner security even though I was alone as I knew dobbie was with me . Though he was not dangerous and never even barked at any 3^rd person for no reason, but still I felt someone was with me and this support made me cross the most difficult time of my life till now.

When I used to be sad and low sometimes, he used to know from somewhere that I was not in high spirits very mystically he used to just barge onto me and slyly and put his two legs on my lap and sit. He dint have to say anything he just used to know that when he would get on to me in my lap , I will have to love him , and after loving him I would be fine .Somewhere he was right he being there with at those times I felt he understood me and without saying a word I was all fine .for the 1 and half year he had never let ne body fight he bark at any one who shouts in family or screams . he was peaceful soul who loved everyone . My father was very jealous of him at times, because whenever he tried to hug me , dobbie used hate it ,and used bark, for dobbie I was only his …. he could not share me .

One fine day 18 months of age he just left us , like every day he went to the terrace in the night after telling me that he was going at three in the night. When I reached the terrace in the morning to take him for walk he was lying there still ....and then he never got up. He just left me and he went away .we dint know how when why it happened , but he just left us and went away . again a very important part of our family had gone away .

He was there when I needed him , and I wasn’t there may when he needed me.

He loved me . I miss him because now there is no one to hug me when I come back from office , there is no one to wake me up when I sleep endlessly , no to come running to me when I say the name dobbie . there is no one to look into my eyes and say that he is always there .

The thing I miss the most is wheather it’s Bamby, Romieo, Mogambo etc , but My Dobbie Was My Dobbie . No matter which ever pet I bring home next , its never gonna be My Dobbie .

Dobbie.....My Best friend.. who loved me the most !

comma and full stop

what is the diffrence between a full stop and a comma , they are , as every one know , punctuation marks in english language , but if i ask you if you need to explain me the usage of these two punctuation marks with examples from the realm of reality and in relation to your life , what would your answer be ?

I tried doing that and i was quite shocked at my own outcome . I started my whole process of relating to reality with thinking what is the importance of each of them in language .Yes , one is to give a break , a pause and another is to end it all , to be precise .Very similar to their usage in language is their role in day to day life . You sleep every day what would call it , a comma or a full stop , you make goal and work towards it every day , and once you achieve it you stop working towards it what would you call it ?

There are a lot of things in our lives which are in a state of a comma , that how we think they are , but some how we realize sooner or later they have taken a shape of full Stop.they are so many things that we keep pending for future , thinking we shall take a break and start all over again , but gradually their existence washed away , and they are never started . while there are instances and moments that we have accepted that will never come back again , and have ended for ever , but they never seem to go , People who keep influencing your lives no matter how much you want them to go , they keep coming back it seems there is no full stop to them in your life .

But the point i wanted to make is very different , by now i would have made you agree that these to punctuaationn marks are ite importanat in your lives as much as they are in English Language.

Just as you can understand a English sentence in a incorrect way ,by misplaced comma and full stop marks your life can totally take a different shape you "full stop" a never ending task .

my new choice

the best part about painting is. mixing colours moving your brush, giving diffrent strokes , making what u like. nothing goes wrong . u paint ur way. no rules no regulation no syllabus.only u and your thought. not complusary starting no ending...
btw u would never know if its over , u can go on and on.
finaly u thnnk one more stroke can spoil it.lol
this is some of my work... in past two days


no escape.!!!!!

the cruel colourful world

मैंने देखे है सभी रंग दुनिया के... यह दुनिया यह दुनिया बरी रंगीली...

one lost soul in the whims and fancies of thw world stuck in the middle with a glass of wine. still hanging there but in no hope to drop out. no escape

PANORAMA

this is the one i started with , dint even know how to mix clours and in how much quantity.. how to hold the brush .. or how give those strokes but just started. wanted to make somethng that representes my life at present clourful but full of confusion.one thought cuting the other and every thot new in its own self. diffrent... sparkling.. bright and new and prominent.each thought, oh i mean the colour, has its shades of brightness. darkest to lightest. difrent schemes of same colour show.. how each colour is difrent from each other still being the same colour.
this was my first one panorama of colours.

NOT my Imagination BUT my ARt

i dont know what to say about this one . very colourful,,, looks like peacock's feathers to some and colouful sperms to others .but this looks nice.... alot btter in real. Actually all these pictures are on the tiles.done with fabric paints i know dosnet make sense though , but still lol.. they look gud and alot better in real..i like the shades of green bottel greeen and bluish green etc near and around the so called sperm fethers . lol

For the yash baby

this one i like the most and it is made speaciallly to be given to my favorite pal - yasha yashu yashi. watever it is.
actualy all that was in japanese. she just gt a tataoo done with yasha ritten . only beacuse japanese language has nothing called 'yash' . its either yasha or yashu. hehehe
i know its lil funny this painting is dedicated to yasha... i litrally went to google translator and typed yash and sonal and got those figures, the japanese characters..
well they were quite fun to draw.
the above one is yasha and sonal is writen in corner down right.
i like the background clour brown the most .this is cute and i wud gift it to her.

the beauty below

we appreciate what we see and do not even think about what we are not able to see.

this is a picture about the details of a tree, below the earth . roots and its hidden beauty. this painting of mine does not show the tree in itself except that i needed to show the trunk which leads to the roots. and Then as i see the unseen roots holding the fruits.

also wery peculiar are the shades of blue . doin which i took alot of time.

loneliness

i like the grayness in this picture. this picture is in black and gray only . i see it as a man all broken inside standing alone in dark under the lonely tree. the clours of the leaves u can see are aswell black . as its dark.and they can not be seen as green .

Bees Humming

@#$@ShOcKPrOoF**$&^%7

life makes u expect ,so that u can give ur best.
or life makes u expect .. only because u had given ur best.
its funy...

u know u are good at somethng , but still there are people who are better than u , at that ...
people seem impresed and attracted to ur personality , but that surely dsnt give a garantee that u now have a fan follwing.
its stupid to say...just belive in ur own self.even if u believe in your self (which is important)u will have to belive in others ... because they play a major role in wat ultimately happens. neway cut the crap.
thngs change. and u learn to mould yourself in the way they become.


u are like water u take shapes of difrent kind.if your life is a huge empty vessel. then ...u , like water would take its shape gradualy. sit and eat at home and....njoy from one edge to the other ....and take a shape of a big fat ass.
thats also a part of life.

be ready for the unexpcted.. because you never know what lies on the other side of the wall.so live life as it comes simply what i am doin rite now.. one of the most importants works that i mite have to do,, would not be on my mind ... when i get up in the morning .. i have my car smashed but i m not reminded of it may till the time i go down to it where it is parked and see it.!i have to meet my old frnds but i wudnt remember or think of it till they call me at that moment and ask me to be there.i wudnt noe what i need to do this evening busy reading a book ,,,untill i get a call to go out for play...and belive my life is working real fine!!i hate making plans now... simply beacuse then i expect myself to go by them.

and i dont follow thm or etc etc happens intead what had had to happen.and i would be to square one.!

its fun.. its intresting this is no peice of advice.. i can aford to do this . i m priveledged
but sadly i m no more " Planned and Orchestrated"
but its diffrent....
tell me somthng i will listen to it.
give me somethng i will take it.
show me somethng i wudnt be amused...!!!

i m shockproof

its only you

......




standing in stairs waiting for the two of us to come back from school with our loaded bags , waiting anxiuosly beacuse ..its 10 min over 3o clock in the afternoon . may be this is the time to which i can get back , no matter how much i further probe its all not as vivid . And we waved our hands to make her feel better that we were there and she can be all fine now.
ready to serve us food ,while one of us was still busy licking the funflips ...she would still wait patiently..... yet not over with grumbling over our bus driver who made us get home late...!!!
and i still rememeber we used to hate eating that moongi ki daaal we she used to make us have....in the afternoon....bt yet we always had it.(cribbing)!

a parent a friend a gradian ,she was there to take my side always when i had a fight with ne one at home except when it was gaurav when she didnt!!LOL
as smiling as she always was , 1st to get ready when ever it was about goin out n craved to have chole bhturey and ice cream.

my tv serial partner , my sewing partner , my bhajan partener , my wool shoping parter , who always said." koi nai ho gaya na... hun tension laen da ki phayeda"
who always said there always a next time. , a beam of positivity in the house , who made all quarells end with a smile.always up to date with local navbharat times news!
who would read all i rote and listen all i sang.
who would love the cakes that i baked.
the 1st one to see me in this world....
and i was the last she saw...

i wish i could eat all the besan ka parathaas she made still over and over again and not crib about the moongi ki daaal.!
not fight with her when she took gauravs side.
coz i miss her...now.


Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and she's always gone too long
anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone,
wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know

Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone,
but ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.

~~~~ ! 1_ 1_ !_! $ ! 0 !\! $~~~~

a pre read thought -" may its one of those how to live a better life types of books which taught you what to do and what not to do"
and a post read thought .._ It IS , one of those books which tell you how to look towards your life...like normal, nothing extraordinary, yet in a diffrent way...
but somethng that made this peice of work special was....it does not tell you whats right and whats wrong , it has a guide book but its dosnt guide you. what it does is...it makes you break the world of illusions that u live in called^^ reality^^ for letting you know the reality ~of the actual world of ^illusion^!

a messiah who preaches , a messiah who follows , a messiah unguided~~ an messiah yet so reluctant.

" a good messiah hates nothing and is free to walk any path he walks" one the most powerful lines because of the part .. "he hates nothing". Hating is an act performed only when you want to perform it, when u feel u can do nthng about except hating. u sit there and hate the task itself. a good messiah would rather walk off...instead of sitting , waiting and hating. He has no time to hate.He is free to remain de attached.

"there is no problem so big that cannot be run away from"..-- i dont noe why i loved this one... not that i believe in it, but there is tottaly a diffrent way of looking at it...!!! it might have a negative connotation heading towards the theory of escapisim ,but to me it said.. like a good messiah would not look at a problem as a problem..if he wants to solve it ( run away or watver) he can solve it.!

the novel rotates around the fundamental concept of ^^loci of control^^...not in a way that you are the god and the world rotates around you .Rather it says the world is how u percieve it...you have the power to rule your enviorment because the enviorment is a reflection of your own self.you can control .
if u wish for somthng as small as a feather to a plane , imagine , think , so descreetly, so much so that you open your eyes and you find it floating in front of you. That is the power of longing and yearning that you realize the thing you wanted is there at that moment , and this satisfaction that you attain is much more , than what you would have attained when the real of it would have been presented before you. As the guide book says "" fictional characters are sometimes more real than people of bodies with heartbeats.


the book instills in you a self belief by making the "real world" a victim. at the cost of transformation from reality to illusion you step into a aura of confidence and power. "if you want freedom and joy so much , cant you see , its not any whre outside of you , say you have it and you have it act as if its yours and its yours"

it makes you belive every man is a messiah when u encounter a change in man who could say " i got to thinking wow, all i have to do is to stay with this this guy and there will be no problems , nothing bad will happen and all will be fine" into a person who who dint need any one excpet some rules of the guide book and the messiah in his dreams.

some lines which touched me the most were--
" if your happiness depends on what somebody else does , i guess you have a problem "

and

" stagnation can never be perfection , change is perfection".


"we can not die , we cannot hurt ourselves any more that illusions on the screen can be hurt . but we can believe we are hurt in whatevr agonizing detail we want we can belive "
and yet the messiah is killed because he was away from normal , diffrent , perfect becuase "he" was the change . and masses and the mob who thought alike , whose thoughts were the same and stagnant, thought of him as a black sheep.

but there is smthng which tells you by the end ... there is nothing right or wrong in the hand book of the messiah . its only if you want to accept it. that was all his learning and by the end would be yours too. he had learned to live and believe in what he had wanted .. that were his teachings and so he makes you belive that no matter what the "last line"of the "hand book" does say , time and space dimensions exist and its all an illusion .
but all said and done why did the cover say" adventures of a reluctant messiah"???

i kept searching for the answer to one of questions the messiah left unanswered " how can you choose a diffrent past?" literally or figuratively.and i realized i dint really learn what the book wanted me to by the end... you know why because the book itself told me " never to let a book replace my own thinking".

sonal...!

xat pat cat rat bat mat pat lat vat zat kat

the three letter words , how easy were they to crack when they were only limited to those class room dictations every monday. Easy ,smooth , without much of conflict , what came to your mind you just wrote it and it was over, no ifs and buts , nothing seemed so ambiguous. you rushed back home with 10/10 hopping all over and were still thrown into the spasmodic stricture over "why in such bad handwriting ?"

Every age has its challenegs and so every obstacle faced seemed shuddery and torturous .may be every child would have thought lifes greener on the otherside of the hedge , life would be btter when we grow up away from these monday tests and dictations.....little do they know -its just the start , the turth is that lifes turns more difficult tougher worse intolllerable ...little do they know that these three letter words would would suck thier blood and haunt their dreams are they grow

handritings or topping the section 'II-B' is not the start of the success but instead an advent of a life long expectations . expectations which build over you , from you , are via you.

cause you urselves give the ones around, the liscence to expect because you lived upto them...

the moment you accept critiscim and live upto the circumstance of surmounting pressure you raise the pedestal of expectations and therefore propotionally the pressure .

its a cruel world out there , all its takes to build presseure is little thnikng , some words of unwanted expectations which seem suggestions. but what does it take to live up to these petty words of so called "wisdom"--- day and nights hardwork....stress.....agony.. black out

the consequences of both the acts might seem propotional but the effort put in to live up to them is quite dispropotionate and in not so shipshape.

in the grown up world "escape" is no option,you do or you die , life throws on your face and you are required to do it.life says CAT and you have to be ready to become a RAT(three letter words) later that you agnize ( i repeat) escape is no option...in this RAT race whether u are ahead of left far behind u would encounter people just there to deride you....mock at you .

i dont condemn these circumstances . The pressure is unavoidable , even if no one is here to buit it on to you...no escape .every one has its room already allotted , and yes why not?its the world for the survival of the fitest..

my purpose of explaining here this likeness of the circumstances faced by the two age groups is only to open the eyes for the little ones sake, who are still blossoming . to tell them how important it is to njoy dance sing play laugh and exprience what they want to...becuase truly its that very time to do all of it .. no matter how much your parents say ' there is a long life ahead'.

this is the stage in which these little ones should not even come near those buildings of already alotted closed rooms , which sumount immense pressure. and if pushed into them at this stage they gotta stay there for long neway....and then suffocation takes it all...as they say "there is time for every thing" ...and so the CHEK IN time time for these rooms has not yet arrived fr these pranksters.

Living each moment is important ...experiencing every act performed on this stage of life is mandatory . but experiencing just pressure from early years to the end of your life is a crime .

so just pamper them pamper them for now ... pamper the innoscence ... pamper the play ... pamper the follishness... pamper the talks 'so stray'... pamper the errors and the spelling mistakes .. pamper the little heads for whatever it takes...

perhaps its like a small plant in your gardern on which the flower blooms ,when we water it , take care of it , and save it from the winds and cold for it to expand its roots and grow so strong and firm we take utmost care.....

and once its stands there as a big tree ... its there alone arranges water , nutrients ,sunlight all on its on...how many times do u get a chance to walk down the streeet and water this big tree.?its there all by its self in solitude facing the mildest winds to thundering blizzards all alone....becuase, it has too. n now no one saves it or takes away its pain....

and so the analogies make my task so simple...

Please " COMMENT"

"comment" and that to a good one, that appreciates you(a true one dat is).

what does it do to you??makes u feel happy right.

But does it add value to an already completed task , does it take you to an altogether diffrent level of looking at your own work?

if yes , you then happen to seek a kind of a report card for your task ,after you have put your heart and soul into it .as if you do not rate your own work and have no expectations from yourself...and so this particular pithy comment decides the fate of your sedulous travail.

but on the very next moment for the same endevour, u get critisicm or a harsh disapproving comment , where does that take you .huh!!!

you move like a pendulam , swaying from one end to another ....specially when u do have your own sense of judgement, but sadly you dont wana agnize.

what "they" think of it "rates" you , "grades" you.

it decides where you efforts stand (as if you were clueless).

i might sound over confident in the brakets but m trying to get under the spotlight the scintilla of belief that u possess , which you time and again try and suppress when it comes to accepting comments.

some would say its healthy, critisizm is gud it makes you thnk , reflect upon and improve.True. but what about the times it boggs u down and no matter how much u try it does not let u get up?(another psychological aspect to see this one would be-"its how u take it")

but my purpose here is not to defend or disagree to the above cases (no comments plz), but it centainly is to not let u act like a crazy ball in the hands of people who after the whole melodrama can make things go upside down by thier sententious comments. they can throw u in some corner or at the same time make you rebound bak and land on a throne.

change is gud , grow , make yourself.....do NOT let yourself be moulded(like a clay).

opinions are gud . Make them!! but dare NOT let opnions make you.

coz u are your best judge!

~~~Another Evening After Dinner~~~

a time when they yelled your name , and the very next moment you rushed down the stairs in haste with your slippers in hand, hurriedly not to miss a single word in that wanted hour of chin wagging and gossips .

An hour for the updates of the day. An hour of peeping out of your balcony into the neighbours house to see the baby crying and squalling over the disobeying fan. the moment for aunties to share the reciepies of wat they relished for dinner as they shouted across the building , not just to the one they talking to , but every one who was intrested in ,what was so indistinctly diffrent from yesterday.
A time when u saw uncles smoking a cig starkly staring at the moon.and little girl with a text book in her hand waiting anxiously for her lamp to switch on for she could prepare for the unit test the next day.
And while talking rounds amist the buildings, you walked gingerly , inorder not to step on some goose!!you waited and walked slowly trying to track the group of buirdly voices discusing football , till u agnize u needed to turn and walk in the opposite direction to encounter.
these girls they knew your names and u knew theirs aswell.but amidst this childlike darkness when no one would have even figured out .. if u did , u still dint dare to give slightest of glare , and one of u just changed the topic to eschew.
that time cudnt be simply recaptured , when you banged the door on the ground floor and ran and u cudnt be caught , as u ran into the vaccume of the colour black.
and u kept dribbling your basket ball as u walked around in a group. parents dint stop u to go out(look at the watch now its 10:30p.m same time)as they felt secure about just one society gate was open and that u remained in its premises, or perhaps they had kept listnening to the tap of ur basket ball all along to keep ur track ;in pitched silence as though the idiot box took its nap.
while grandmothers gave fulminating looks watched from thier window rooms , the girls that late on the roads , and little boys on thier bicyles screaming out thier throats.

a momemt so dark that all u saw was the vague perception of the other form , so dark that u walked so slow .dark that all u heard was the mingled voxes and mixed thoghts.the time that the ethereal absence gave you to catch up with the ephemeral incidences of each other.
a time to fritter away the time.

yes the time so thought of , so cherished . just beaten away by the devils of sixth heaven.this light has taken away the moments of fluster , filled life with colours, this phrase often used for the feeling of rejoice , haunts me as i miss the darkness , i cover my head wid a blanket to run away from the dappled world which has taken away the hustle bustle in blindfold, the feeling of a vagrant , the feeling of imagination of the perception of the form. i miss that "not so bright world" .a reason to come closer see each other every day.....a reason for another evening after dinner ..to say...!!!
"a time in limbo"

TaXeD TaX FrEe

in this world of bussiness, perhaps nobody even a smallest bussiness man owing a shop in the local market ,lets it go , what say of the big malls and theatre complexes these days. Was it 60 years back or is it still the same , the non co-operation and dis obideance still breathes in the air but in a difrrent form, well if u doubt that u see it, i garantee u ..if you are a middle class, u can sense it . and yes , you are a victim.
a family of 4 finds it a gud reason to go out for a movie on the janmashtmi day , and unexpected holiday on a week day,and if the movie being chakk de india it makes this holiday outing all the more special .Mrs President Pratibha Patil highly impressed by the script and the effect the movie leaves on the viewers makes it tax free.what she has in mind is is to infuse and ticture the wining spirit , every common man should larn and imbibe.
a family of 4 arrives at "waves noida"at 11 am in the morning , having planned before hand in order to watch the 1st show suppositely for Rs 75/- per head ., but deplorably stands in 50mtr long queue to get the tickets, to agnize halfway the house is full. . well ofcourse a movie wid a cause , to make a diffrence , a movie free of tax and that too on a holiday . ample of reasons !! why is wudnt it be housefull.!! ?
But who dosent want to be a a part of the proud winning team , so what if only on the screen. after an hour long queue it buys 4 tickets for rs 500/-. well this would be fpr some 125/-per ticket for the 2 'o clock show. did that pinch?wow!! that costly was this theatre that even after the tax free notification the cost per ticket is that high , wonder what would be the actual price.!!!
having tickets in hand they realize the charges for the Entertainment tax=Rs46;69. isint it taxfree???? huh! is the reply!not here we are sorry!!and it all ends with a smirk! dsnt madam president notification hold true for the malls and places in NCR?? isint the regulation central govenmment passed ,after all she is the president of india.
who is following the notifications neway . its not the pain of sitting on the 1st row seats dat u get for enjoying the vagaries of the movie, after and hour long queue, speaking. but its the pain u feel when u get to see such big names like R.M entertainments owning waves noida sec 18 pocketing the tax of government of india.a tax that has been evaded !why do they care , if it wasnot this family of 4...there were hundreds in the line for those 4 tickets . what is dreadingly disturbing is pocketing somthing you dont desrve...why blame a theif..!!!!????

Addicted to His Touch

A desreted road , and we bothe there .
only winds to disturb , and no one to care.
sayonara said the sun , the trees were to sleep .
he clasped my hand ,and no one to peep.
he looked in my eyes, and i cudnt say.
he pressed my hand hard , and i cudnt say.
his eyes filled with adorance, his face with innocense ,
he came close to me to ask , the reason we were sent
i wanted to answer, i dont noe what has held me.

my fear to be closer or my fear of not to be.
my face went pale , confused and unrest .
gazed at him , was it necessary to answer the rest.
as if he could scann thru me , that i cudnt be mould.
he turned his face away from mine,and released the hold.
he dragged his feet bak and bid a gud bye.
cud we ever meet again he was half to cry
he moved a step and thn took a stop ,
he took a step more and then turned bak

the love in his eyes was turning to pain
it would hardly take him time ,to turn insane
head strong i stood , on that haunted road .
who knew if this was on my boat.
suddenly the wind gushed around me,
do i need him was the thought in me.
his support gave me firmness,
his presence made my secure.
his voice still sustains ,its the pain i love or the love i still endure.
the dust in the vicinity came over the day

i left everythng and ran ,
ran cum what may!!
i could see him there.. dragging his feet.
unknowing the fact that now he could gt me.
i ran to dance i ran to sing
i ran to meet him faster than wind
i called his name full of jest
he turned bak
and i clasped his chest

the sun refused to set
and even the sky was full off stars...
trees forgot their sleep ..
for the sight of ours...!!!
we both in tears could not say much
except that we percieve ,
dat we are addicted to each others touch...!!!