its only you

......




standing in stairs waiting for the two of us to come back from school with our loaded bags , waiting anxiuosly beacuse ..its 10 min over 3o clock in the afternoon . may be this is the time to which i can get back , no matter how much i further probe its all not as vivid . And we waved our hands to make her feel better that we were there and she can be all fine now.
ready to serve us food ,while one of us was still busy licking the funflips ...she would still wait patiently..... yet not over with grumbling over our bus driver who made us get home late...!!!
and i still rememeber we used to hate eating that moongi ki daaal we she used to make us have....in the afternoon....bt yet we always had it.(cribbing)!

a parent a friend a gradian ,she was there to take my side always when i had a fight with ne one at home except when it was gaurav when she didnt!!LOL
as smiling as she always was , 1st to get ready when ever it was about goin out n craved to have chole bhturey and ice cream.

my tv serial partner , my sewing partner , my bhajan partener , my wool shoping parter , who always said." koi nai ho gaya na... hun tension laen da ki phayeda"
who always said there always a next time. , a beam of positivity in the house , who made all quarells end with a smile.always up to date with local navbharat times news!
who would read all i rote and listen all i sang.
who would love the cakes that i baked.
the 1st one to see me in this world....
and i was the last she saw...

i wish i could eat all the besan ka parathaas she made still over and over again and not crib about the moongi ki daaal.!
not fight with her when she took gauravs side.
coz i miss her...now.


Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and she's always gone too long
anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone,
wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know

Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone,
but ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.

~~~~ ! 1_ 1_ !_! $ ! 0 !\! $~~~~

a pre read thought -" may its one of those how to live a better life types of books which taught you what to do and what not to do"
and a post read thought .._ It IS , one of those books which tell you how to look towards your life...like normal, nothing extraordinary, yet in a diffrent way...
but somethng that made this peice of work special was....it does not tell you whats right and whats wrong , it has a guide book but its dosnt guide you. what it does is...it makes you break the world of illusions that u live in called^^ reality^^ for letting you know the reality ~of the actual world of ^illusion^!

a messiah who preaches , a messiah who follows , a messiah unguided~~ an messiah yet so reluctant.

" a good messiah hates nothing and is free to walk any path he walks" one the most powerful lines because of the part .. "he hates nothing". Hating is an act performed only when you want to perform it, when u feel u can do nthng about except hating. u sit there and hate the task itself. a good messiah would rather walk off...instead of sitting , waiting and hating. He has no time to hate.He is free to remain de attached.

"there is no problem so big that cannot be run away from"..-- i dont noe why i loved this one... not that i believe in it, but there is tottaly a diffrent way of looking at it...!!! it might have a negative connotation heading towards the theory of escapisim ,but to me it said.. like a good messiah would not look at a problem as a problem..if he wants to solve it ( run away or watver) he can solve it.!

the novel rotates around the fundamental concept of ^^loci of control^^...not in a way that you are the god and the world rotates around you .Rather it says the world is how u percieve it...you have the power to rule your enviorment because the enviorment is a reflection of your own self.you can control .
if u wish for somthng as small as a feather to a plane , imagine , think , so descreetly, so much so that you open your eyes and you find it floating in front of you. That is the power of longing and yearning that you realize the thing you wanted is there at that moment , and this satisfaction that you attain is much more , than what you would have attained when the real of it would have been presented before you. As the guide book says "" fictional characters are sometimes more real than people of bodies with heartbeats.


the book instills in you a self belief by making the "real world" a victim. at the cost of transformation from reality to illusion you step into a aura of confidence and power. "if you want freedom and joy so much , cant you see , its not any whre outside of you , say you have it and you have it act as if its yours and its yours"

it makes you belive every man is a messiah when u encounter a change in man who could say " i got to thinking wow, all i have to do is to stay with this this guy and there will be no problems , nothing bad will happen and all will be fine" into a person who who dint need any one excpet some rules of the guide book and the messiah in his dreams.

some lines which touched me the most were--
" if your happiness depends on what somebody else does , i guess you have a problem "

and

" stagnation can never be perfection , change is perfection".


"we can not die , we cannot hurt ourselves any more that illusions on the screen can be hurt . but we can believe we are hurt in whatevr agonizing detail we want we can belive "
and yet the messiah is killed because he was away from normal , diffrent , perfect becuase "he" was the change . and masses and the mob who thought alike , whose thoughts were the same and stagnant, thought of him as a black sheep.

but there is smthng which tells you by the end ... there is nothing right or wrong in the hand book of the messiah . its only if you want to accept it. that was all his learning and by the end would be yours too. he had learned to live and believe in what he had wanted .. that were his teachings and so he makes you belive that no matter what the "last line"of the "hand book" does say , time and space dimensions exist and its all an illusion .
but all said and done why did the cover say" adventures of a reluctant messiah"???

i kept searching for the answer to one of questions the messiah left unanswered " how can you choose a diffrent past?" literally or figuratively.and i realized i dint really learn what the book wanted me to by the end... you know why because the book itself told me " never to let a book replace my own thinking".

sonal...!

xat pat cat rat bat mat pat lat vat zat kat

the three letter words , how easy were they to crack when they were only limited to those class room dictations every monday. Easy ,smooth , without much of conflict , what came to your mind you just wrote it and it was over, no ifs and buts , nothing seemed so ambiguous. you rushed back home with 10/10 hopping all over and were still thrown into the spasmodic stricture over "why in such bad handwriting ?"

Every age has its challenegs and so every obstacle faced seemed shuddery and torturous .may be every child would have thought lifes greener on the otherside of the hedge , life would be btter when we grow up away from these monday tests and dictations.....little do they know -its just the start , the turth is that lifes turns more difficult tougher worse intolllerable ...little do they know that these three letter words would would suck thier blood and haunt their dreams are they grow

handritings or topping the section 'II-B' is not the start of the success but instead an advent of a life long expectations . expectations which build over you , from you , are via you.

cause you urselves give the ones around, the liscence to expect because you lived upto them...

the moment you accept critiscim and live upto the circumstance of surmounting pressure you raise the pedestal of expectations and therefore propotionally the pressure .

its a cruel world out there , all its takes to build presseure is little thnikng , some words of unwanted expectations which seem suggestions. but what does it take to live up to these petty words of so called "wisdom"--- day and nights hardwork....stress.....agony.. black out

the consequences of both the acts might seem propotional but the effort put in to live up to them is quite dispropotionate and in not so shipshape.

in the grown up world "escape" is no option,you do or you die , life throws on your face and you are required to do it.life says CAT and you have to be ready to become a RAT(three letter words) later that you agnize ( i repeat) escape is no option...in this RAT race whether u are ahead of left far behind u would encounter people just there to deride you....mock at you .

i dont condemn these circumstances . The pressure is unavoidable , even if no one is here to buit it on to you...no escape .every one has its room already allotted , and yes why not?its the world for the survival of the fitest..

my purpose of explaining here this likeness of the circumstances faced by the two age groups is only to open the eyes for the little ones sake, who are still blossoming . to tell them how important it is to njoy dance sing play laugh and exprience what they want to...becuase truly its that very time to do all of it .. no matter how much your parents say ' there is a long life ahead'.

this is the stage in which these little ones should not even come near those buildings of already alotted closed rooms , which sumount immense pressure. and if pushed into them at this stage they gotta stay there for long neway....and then suffocation takes it all...as they say "there is time for every thing" ...and so the CHEK IN time time for these rooms has not yet arrived fr these pranksters.

Living each moment is important ...experiencing every act performed on this stage of life is mandatory . but experiencing just pressure from early years to the end of your life is a crime .

so just pamper them pamper them for now ... pamper the innoscence ... pamper the play ... pamper the follishness... pamper the talks 'so stray'... pamper the errors and the spelling mistakes .. pamper the little heads for whatever it takes...

perhaps its like a small plant in your gardern on which the flower blooms ,when we water it , take care of it , and save it from the winds and cold for it to expand its roots and grow so strong and firm we take utmost care.....

and once its stands there as a big tree ... its there alone arranges water , nutrients ,sunlight all on its on...how many times do u get a chance to walk down the streeet and water this big tree.?its there all by its self in solitude facing the mildest winds to thundering blizzards all alone....becuase, it has too. n now no one saves it or takes away its pain....

and so the analogies make my task so simple...

Please " COMMENT"

"comment" and that to a good one, that appreciates you(a true one dat is).

what does it do to you??makes u feel happy right.

But does it add value to an already completed task , does it take you to an altogether diffrent level of looking at your own work?

if yes , you then happen to seek a kind of a report card for your task ,after you have put your heart and soul into it .as if you do not rate your own work and have no expectations from yourself...and so this particular pithy comment decides the fate of your sedulous travail.

but on the very next moment for the same endevour, u get critisicm or a harsh disapproving comment , where does that take you .huh!!!

you move like a pendulam , swaying from one end to another ....specially when u do have your own sense of judgement, but sadly you dont wana agnize.

what "they" think of it "rates" you , "grades" you.

it decides where you efforts stand (as if you were clueless).

i might sound over confident in the brakets but m trying to get under the spotlight the scintilla of belief that u possess , which you time and again try and suppress when it comes to accepting comments.

some would say its healthy, critisizm is gud it makes you thnk , reflect upon and improve.True. but what about the times it boggs u down and no matter how much u try it does not let u get up?(another psychological aspect to see this one would be-"its how u take it")

but my purpose here is not to defend or disagree to the above cases (no comments plz), but it centainly is to not let u act like a crazy ball in the hands of people who after the whole melodrama can make things go upside down by thier sententious comments. they can throw u in some corner or at the same time make you rebound bak and land on a throne.

change is gud , grow , make yourself.....do NOT let yourself be moulded(like a clay).

opinions are gud . Make them!! but dare NOT let opnions make you.

coz u are your best judge!

~~~Another Evening After Dinner~~~

a time when they yelled your name , and the very next moment you rushed down the stairs in haste with your slippers in hand, hurriedly not to miss a single word in that wanted hour of chin wagging and gossips .

An hour for the updates of the day. An hour of peeping out of your balcony into the neighbours house to see the baby crying and squalling over the disobeying fan. the moment for aunties to share the reciepies of wat they relished for dinner as they shouted across the building , not just to the one they talking to , but every one who was intrested in ,what was so indistinctly diffrent from yesterday.
A time when u saw uncles smoking a cig starkly staring at the moon.and little girl with a text book in her hand waiting anxiously for her lamp to switch on for she could prepare for the unit test the next day.
And while talking rounds amist the buildings, you walked gingerly , inorder not to step on some goose!!you waited and walked slowly trying to track the group of buirdly voices discusing football , till u agnize u needed to turn and walk in the opposite direction to encounter.
these girls they knew your names and u knew theirs aswell.but amidst this childlike darkness when no one would have even figured out .. if u did , u still dint dare to give slightest of glare , and one of u just changed the topic to eschew.
that time cudnt be simply recaptured , when you banged the door on the ground floor and ran and u cudnt be caught , as u ran into the vaccume of the colour black.
and u kept dribbling your basket ball as u walked around in a group. parents dint stop u to go out(look at the watch now its 10:30p.m same time)as they felt secure about just one society gate was open and that u remained in its premises, or perhaps they had kept listnening to the tap of ur basket ball all along to keep ur track ;in pitched silence as though the idiot box took its nap.
while grandmothers gave fulminating looks watched from thier window rooms , the girls that late on the roads , and little boys on thier bicyles screaming out thier throats.

a momemt so dark that all u saw was the vague perception of the other form , so dark that u walked so slow .dark that all u heard was the mingled voxes and mixed thoghts.the time that the ethereal absence gave you to catch up with the ephemeral incidences of each other.
a time to fritter away the time.

yes the time so thought of , so cherished . just beaten away by the devils of sixth heaven.this light has taken away the moments of fluster , filled life with colours, this phrase often used for the feeling of rejoice , haunts me as i miss the darkness , i cover my head wid a blanket to run away from the dappled world which has taken away the hustle bustle in blindfold, the feeling of a vagrant , the feeling of imagination of the perception of the form. i miss that "not so bright world" .a reason to come closer see each other every day.....a reason for another evening after dinner ..to say...!!!
"a time in limbo"

TaXeD TaX FrEe

in this world of bussiness, perhaps nobody even a smallest bussiness man owing a shop in the local market ,lets it go , what say of the big malls and theatre complexes these days. Was it 60 years back or is it still the same , the non co-operation and dis obideance still breathes in the air but in a difrrent form, well if u doubt that u see it, i garantee u ..if you are a middle class, u can sense it . and yes , you are a victim.
a family of 4 finds it a gud reason to go out for a movie on the janmashtmi day , and unexpected holiday on a week day,and if the movie being chakk de india it makes this holiday outing all the more special .Mrs President Pratibha Patil highly impressed by the script and the effect the movie leaves on the viewers makes it tax free.what she has in mind is is to infuse and ticture the wining spirit , every common man should larn and imbibe.
a family of 4 arrives at "waves noida"at 11 am in the morning , having planned before hand in order to watch the 1st show suppositely for Rs 75/- per head ., but deplorably stands in 50mtr long queue to get the tickets, to agnize halfway the house is full. . well ofcourse a movie wid a cause , to make a diffrence , a movie free of tax and that too on a holiday . ample of reasons !! why is wudnt it be housefull.!! ?
But who dosent want to be a a part of the proud winning team , so what if only on the screen. after an hour long queue it buys 4 tickets for rs 500/-. well this would be fpr some 125/-per ticket for the 2 'o clock show. did that pinch?wow!! that costly was this theatre that even after the tax free notification the cost per ticket is that high , wonder what would be the actual price.!!!
having tickets in hand they realize the charges for the Entertainment tax=Rs46;69. isint it taxfree???? huh! is the reply!not here we are sorry!!and it all ends with a smirk! dsnt madam president notification hold true for the malls and places in NCR?? isint the regulation central govenmment passed ,after all she is the president of india.
who is following the notifications neway . its not the pain of sitting on the 1st row seats dat u get for enjoying the vagaries of the movie, after and hour long queue, speaking. but its the pain u feel when u get to see such big names like R.M entertainments owning waves noida sec 18 pocketing the tax of government of india.a tax that has been evaded !why do they care , if it wasnot this family of 4...there were hundreds in the line for those 4 tickets . what is dreadingly disturbing is pocketing somthing you dont desrve...why blame a theif..!!!!????

Addicted to His Touch

A desreted road , and we bothe there .
only winds to disturb , and no one to care.
sayonara said the sun , the trees were to sleep .
he clasped my hand ,and no one to peep.
he looked in my eyes, and i cudnt say.
he pressed my hand hard , and i cudnt say.
his eyes filled with adorance, his face with innocense ,
he came close to me to ask , the reason we were sent
i wanted to answer, i dont noe what has held me.

my fear to be closer or my fear of not to be.
my face went pale , confused and unrest .
gazed at him , was it necessary to answer the rest.
as if he could scann thru me , that i cudnt be mould.
he turned his face away from mine,and released the hold.
he dragged his feet bak and bid a gud bye.
cud we ever meet again he was half to cry
he moved a step and thn took a stop ,
he took a step more and then turned bak

the love in his eyes was turning to pain
it would hardly take him time ,to turn insane
head strong i stood , on that haunted road .
who knew if this was on my boat.
suddenly the wind gushed around me,
do i need him was the thought in me.
his support gave me firmness,
his presence made my secure.
his voice still sustains ,its the pain i love or the love i still endure.
the dust in the vicinity came over the day

i left everythng and ran ,
ran cum what may!!
i could see him there.. dragging his feet.
unknowing the fact that now he could gt me.
i ran to dance i ran to sing
i ran to meet him faster than wind
i called his name full of jest
he turned bak
and i clasped his chest

the sun refused to set
and even the sky was full off stars...
trees forgot their sleep ..
for the sight of ours...!!!
we both in tears could not say much
except that we percieve ,
dat we are addicted to each others touch...!!!

The Chinese Dragon vs Indian Elephant

the contrast of it being a drogon and an elephant that are being compared , its not just a mere demonic factor of comparison but of a comparison between the 2 great symbols of macabre which depict the rise of exponential state of affairs of the two countries , india and china.!!

when compared in the mythological sense each have and orchestrated reasoning to support their being . both dont even compete at some point of time , they perhaps have denizens , with beliefs poles apart.

but a guantlet is flug at each other while considering the affairs affecting economic state of being of the 2 countries , both have almost similiar goals , working towards the rise of the economy , increase the growth rates in the respective profit making economic segments.

now its the dragon who is winning the war or its the elephant its very relative and depends on the way u opt to justify it.

the rate at which the state of affairs in china with the help of huge population and the support is taking pac a foccused orchastrated path which it follows .
e is commendable.it is ofcourse a very alarming sign to the super powers as well. the way they show the growth and structured planning gives and effect of their never daunting efforts to just simply rise..!!!

but when an elephant of india is the one under the spotlight , there is seen a steady growth , a planned and an orchestrated one.
whether the elephant or the dragon both are on a race to a place where each wants to be.....but its not how fast they reach, but how they reach that decides.

its difficult to say whether who would win this battle....welll the size does matter but who has larger dimensions here is the question unanswered !but it surely would be the one ,who watches its steps while walking!!!